So I am sitting on top of my old house. I figured out a way to get on top. Just had to pull my SUV up to the back and then climb on top of it…then it was just a small jump to the roof. 🙂 lol I used to use a ladder when I was a kid. No ladder today!
There is a feeling that comes over me when I climb on top of this roof. Some sort of peaceful feeling. A feeling that I am not sure I can explain. Looking out over the open fields – staring off into the distance. The horizon so far away. Being able to see New Columbia to the north. The rolling hills. The big Oak Tree to my west. Towering over everything else. Branches stretched as if in some rejoicing song. The wind is blowing through my hair. It is cool but not cold. There is snow on the ground…but the March sun is still warm on my skin. I sigh – remembering back to all of the snowstorms on this farm! The blizzards of the 1970s. My first thundersnow in the ’80s.
This is by definition serenity. It is that which makes me me. It is that which makes me feel alive. I can smell the farm. The dirt. The grass. The trees. It brings back memories so deep within my mind. Running as a child through the yard. Riding three wheelers down the gravel lane. Running to the school bus. Climbing trees – jumping off of barn roofs – playing superman with the cape that my grandmother made for me! The memories remind me of where I started. Where I came from. Where I belong.
I lay down and stair up at the blue blue sky. Not a cloud to be seen. All blue. I look towards the northeast and see the open sky – this is where the meteors enter the atmosphere. This is where they begin – where they cross overhead. This is where I used to watch shooting stars. It feels as if I am still a kid…seems like just yesterday.
I walk around the farm. I can hear the snow crunching under my boots. I used to love that sound. I would walk from my house to my grandmothers house. The snow crunching under my feet. I used to pretend that I could hear my grandmother walking home at night when I lay my head on my pillow. It was the beating of my heart…I could hear it in my ears while resting my head on the pillow. That sound – it reminded me of walking in the snow. So I would pretent that I was hearing my grandmother walk to her house after leaving ours.
Oh, the drifts in front of the house! I had forgot about that. When it would snow the wind would whip around our house and cause this arch of snow to drift – right outside our door. It would always be deeper there. I had forgotten but now I can see it…right there below me. I take a picture. I remember back to the late 1970s. The blizzard. I remember sitting in front of the living room window and watching the snow drift deeper and deeper. Every so often I would get up and go tell my mother how deep the snow was getting. Deeper and deeper and deeper.
This feels right. I had to come back up here today. In the snow. I had to convince myself one more time. This makes the fourth or fifth time? I just need to know that I am doing the right thing. I am. I know I am. This has all been too perfect. From the moment I came up here on Christmas Morning – to convince myself that I needed to move on – to forget about the farm. To seeing the realtor lock on the front door. Knowing something was wrong – could it be? It was. And here we are – a few months later. On top of the roof. Listening to the birds chirp…I can even hear the frogs in the pond.
I can see the easter flowers – daffodils – blooming. They are coming out of the ground. I used to love easter flowers. Every time I smell an Easter flower I think about the farm. To this day – that is what they remind me of. They will always remind me of home.
Tomorrow is Dione’s Birthday – Thursday is Grandmothers Birthday. Two days ago the bank finished their foreclosure on the property. They are finished. The house is now for sale. We are just waiting on the realtor to call Tony. We are making an offer.
This is fate if there ever was fate
Big Oak Tree to the West
Crunching through the snow…
That snow drift that was always in front of the house
New Columbia in the distance
Easter flowers…poking through the snow
Looking west/southwest – the sunset view
The METEOR view to the northeast 🙂
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