Okay so life is funny a lot of times. I agree. Funny in a good way though. Funny as in…doesn’t it seem like everything is working towards something. What is that something though? I have no idea. Nor perhaps do I wish to find out! If I found out then my head might explode (and it is already close enough to exploding with this semesters homework). I say that life is funny and that everything works towards something because that is how my life has played out. So I assume that everyones life is that way. EVERY small decision that I have made…every large decision that I have made…it seemed to lead to the next stage or the next "thing" that was supposed to happen in my life. The good…the bad…and the ugly. All of it. I am a big believer in "everything happens for a reason" – that has gotten me in trouble before with some people. You have to be careful who you say that to or how you say it. When someone has just lost a loved one then it is hard for them to understand how that might work towards good. That is just one example. I don’t need to say this because most of you know what I mean.
It is hard to explain this experience. By this experience I mean this journey over the past few years. How everything has worked towards where we are now. I guess we are all that way. How do we explain our lives to someone else? How do we describe what a journey has been like for ourselves? Can it even be done. It is difficult to explain to friends and family where you have been if they haven’t been there with you. You see they have been on their own journey. Somehow though I try to explain to people how I perceive things. For example…the last four years. Since 2003 life has been scary, exciting, dramatic, tiring, incredible, amazing, sad, painful, educational, exhausting, funny, life-changing, inspiring, depressing, thrilling, loving, terrifying, and a thousand other emotions. All of that just in the past four years. That is a lot of emotions to attempt to explain to someone else. You had to be there comes to mind as the best way to explain it.
Anyway, in my opinion everything has a purpose and reason. Sometimes we can’t understand what that reason is…but it is there. There have been hundreds of times in my life when I have been able to look back and say "ahhhh that is why this happened." Nine times out of ten it was something small at the time…or something I didn’t recognize for what it was. It was there though. In looking back in life I think most of us can pinpoint certain decisions that we made that forever changed our life. If that one little decision had not been made then where would we be? Would we be better off? Worse off? Would you be married to the person you are now married to? Would you be single? Would you be living in a mansion or would you be homeless? We will never know. We only know what we know now…where we are at today. In the end I guess that is all that matters (unless you want to drive yourself nuts trying to figure out where your life would have been). I don’t recommend doing that by the way.
During the past few weeks I have been so restless. I have been trying to figure out how to move forward – force changes that are needed in my life (that was my motto for the year you know – force change) - move towards what my true goals are. How do I do that? What can I currently change in my life that is standing in my way of being happier (I am, thankfully, already happy so I can’t say happy). What do I need to do to take things to the next level…the next stage? ARGH sleepless nights. Thinking and then more thinking. I am sure everyone has been there before! Doug would say to live in the moment and not think about tomorrow. For the MOST part I would agree with him. However, in order to get somewhere you must know where you are going. I know he would agree with that as well.
So what do I want?
What I want is to find a hill that has a view. I want to see storms and I want to see sunsets. I want to live in the country again. I want a porch on the front of the house and the back of the house. I want to be able to set out there and watch brilliant sunsets and enjoy the sounds of nature. I want a smaller house that isn’t so difficult to take care of. There is a lot of good to be said about having a large house…don’t get me wrong. I love where I live now and I am very thankful for being blessed with such a house. It just isn’t what I want. I want a simpler life. Something a little less complex and a little less expensive. It costs a lot of money to keep a pool going! That isn’t the most important part though…more important is simplicity. Calm. Those sunsets.
So anyway…I want to build a house on a hill. Easier said than done! First off I need to find that magic hill. I have been looking for a year now! Still have not found it. I thought I found one a few months back but that one didn’t work out. So I am now looking in Northern Graves County. Perhaps I need to go east a bit? I don’t know. I know it is out there though!
So after I find a hill then I want to build a smaller home. Something that will be easier to take care of. Hardwood floors…Daisy will like that. lol A backyard with a fence…so Daisy can’t run away. No pool. Keep the hot-tub though for stress relief. Then start to focus more on the ShadowAngel Foundation and our charity work. I am excited about this Kiva Web Site. That is the kind of project I have been looking for. Something tangible. I have always loved tangible projects. This is one of them. I could see getting involved with a project like that.
The bigger question is where do we go from there? I feel as if everything is building more and more towards a bigger project. I am just not sure what that means. What that project will be. All I know is that I can just feel us moving that way. You know that excitement you get in anticipation of something? Well that is how it feels. I have been here before. It is a good place to be. My spidey senses are tingling.
One wonders if the last four years have been THIS amazing then what do the next four years hold? I guess we will just have to wait and see! I am sure this blog will cover whatever those years bring! Good or bad!
Now…to the current project at hand – how do I pack my house up in order to move? lol Oh yeah…downsize. More downsizing. If I just keep repeating that…perhaps I will get there. Perhaps I need to set some time-table goals. To find land by this time – to start building by this time – the move out by this time! Maybe if I set some goals I will actually get from point A to B. David taught me that if you don’t set goals then you won’t know where you are going. Perhaps I should listen to him! Funny enough almost every goal we have ever set during the past four-five years has come to pass! That is an incredible feat…especially if you knew what some of those goals were (I had my doubts).
So on the "to-do" list. Set some time-table goals!